As LawMeme discussed previously (Top Ten New Copyright Crimes), Jamie Kellner, chairman and CEO of Turner Broadcasting (an AOL Time Warner company), was interviewed by [INSIDE] on the future of television (Content's King). In the interview, Mr. Kellner said some very interesting things, including claiming that watching broadcast television engages the viewer in a contract:
[Ad skips are] theft. Your contract with the network when you get the show is you're going to watch the spots. Otherwise you couldn't get the show on an ad-supported basis. Any time you skip a commercial or watch the button you're actually stealing the programming. [emphasis added]
Jim Tyre, attorney and co-founder of Censorware.net, held a contest to determine what these contracts should be called:
HONORABLE MENTIONS
(in no particular order):
StareMaster Agreement - Jim Willcox
Habeas Corneas - Chris Clarke
Broadcasters' Advertising Receptacle Form (BARF) Contract - Alex Macgillivray
(Full disclosure, Alex recently bought Jim Tyre food, but no way, no how would Mr. Tyre let that influence such an important decision.)
Blinkwrap contract - J.S. Tyre
(Chosen by Ernest Miller)
AND THE WINNER IS:
Contract of ADhesion - Seth Finkelstein
Mr. Tyre wishes to thank one and all for participating in his little contest of pithiful skill. It being his contest, he chose the winners, using whatever arbitrary and capricious standards mused him. LawMeme thanks Mr. Tyre for permitting us to post the results of his contest.
UPDATED 1455 ET 03 May 2002
There have been some late entries:
Prof. Michael Froomkin of the University of Miami School of Law (and the highly recommended ICANNWatch) offers:
wishwrap
dreamwrap
inyourdreamswrap
thismanisondrugswrap
IflunkedlawschoolwhichiswhyIamhandingyouthisrap
{fill-in- w/-4-AngloSaxon=letters-of-your-choice}wrap
void for lack of meetings of the minds and mutal intent to be bound
contract
David Bolduc of Stumpf Craddock Massey & Pulman offers:
Continence Clause
Depends Clause
AOL/Time Warner Catheter Clause
"We Sold It - You Hold It" Clause
Commercial Auto-Indenture
Couch Potato Codicil
The Castiron Bladder Doctrine
The Rule in Smelly's Case
Restroom Felony Prevention Provision
Contract of Constipatory Ad-hesion (of which a violation would be
Constipatory Breach)